Being Mental, Being Social, Random Musings of a Crazy Mind

Worst Bright Side Ever

I’m suffering from a bout of depression. My meds are off and I’m having trouble finding a reason to do much of anything.

The complete apathy that accompanies my depression is often unsettling and uncomfortable. I find myself trying to find something to do so I don’t spend twelve hours a day watching bad TV that I don’t even know what’s happening. It’s kind of exhausting.

It’s exhausting trying to get up and go out of the house, trying to make and keep plans, trying to feign interest where I would legitimately be interested if not for my rebellious brain chemicals.

Next month we’re going on a trip to visit with my boyfriend’s family. He’s excited about the trip while I’m a socially awkward turtle pretty much terrified of the coming event.

Except, I have complete and utter apathy happening right now and can’t bring myself to get worked up over it. Yay! Bright side of my brain shutting down is I don’t have to worry about an anxiety attack during the three day trip of 15 people in a cabin with 30-some strangers at a nearby lodge expecting me to talk to them.

Although, I may wind up being to apathetic to do much of anything the entire weekend but work on my knitting. Which hey, at least I’ll make some progress on my Christmas list!

Okay, this is just a series of me looking for the bright side of a completely crappy situation and now I’m exhausted. I’m going to take a nap.


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