Being Mental

Allie Through the Looking Glass

Sometimes I feel like Alice in Wonderland. I take one pill to make me go up, another pill to make me go down, yet another to make me focus on the task at hand. I take so many pills every day I can’t swallow them in one go but rather three swallows of handfuls of pills each.

Recently, I learned the side effect of one of my pills is complete loss of bladder control (yep ya’ll, my meds make you pee yourself!) and promptly stopped taking it because who can afford diapers for two in this day and age?

Now I’m on the pill that makes you go up but have nothing to bring me back down. I’m out of control manic, unable to focus even through my ADHD medication and pretty much feel obnoxious and out of control all of the time. I value my control. I don’t do mind-altering drugs or drink too much because I hate feeling too far outside of myself so this is my version of hell.

I’m waiting (impatiently) for my doctor to get back with me (as I discovered this AWEOMSE PEE YOURSELF HORRIBLE side effect in between appointments after raising the dosage of my abilify) to put me on something new but in the mean time I’m basically warning everyone I’m useless and off my meds. It’s a lot of fun conversations with my co-workers that I’m not that type of crazy and I don’t own a gun and I’m not really a threat to myself or others. Just a little useless and a lot obnoxious.

Wish me luck we find something new with less horrific side effects soon!


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